Relationships: Granting Your Spouse Permission to Help YOU Heal
Rose picked by Jake from the Mother’s Day bush Karlie gave me last year! Beautiful!
I am blessed to have a loving husband. He takes great care of me and the girls, loves me despite my faults, pitches in around the house, always seeking ways to teach our girls, and intentionally invests regularly time and energy into our relationship and our family.
Yet for some reason when I am tired, hurting, or discouraged he is the first person I tend to lash out at. Is it because he is near? Or is it that I trust he will continue loving me as he helps me get through the moments of hurt? Is it that he is the first person who notices that I am struggling? Is it because I allow “little stuff” to build up, get emotional, and blow the “little stuff” way out of proportion? Or is it a complex multitude of feelings and connections of life that make me think it is acceptable to snap at someone truly trying to lovingly help me?
Life is tough. It would be a lie to say that I have not gone through a multitude of various emotions over the past few months. My girls are growing up so quickly and my Momma’s heart is rejoicing yet broken over it at the same time. I have not invested the time and energy into relationships that are important to me. It has been a struggle to balance life, schedules, and times to the point that some days I feel like I am messing up everything or falling short. It feels like there are days when I am rushing through life and trying to just get what has to be accomplished done only to crash at night and re-start the process all over again the next day.
How can I be an encouraging, positive, loving light, sharing God’s grace with those around me when I feel like the walls are falling in on me? I have been praying specifically that God would break down the walls I have built up around my heart, revealed those areas I need to heal and repair, fill the holes that are plugged with the wrong motives, and work in my life, however, it is at times a very painful process.
When an animal is hurting they tend to find a safe place and withdraw into themselves. If you approach a hurt animal when they are in that safe place or feel like they are backed into a corner they have a tendency to snap at anyone reaching out to help them. Their eyes are clouded with hurt or pain, their defenses are up, and they don’t know what to do so they react in anger at anyone trying to help because it is hard for them to distinguish between someone who is trying to hurt and a person who is trying to help. I am sure vets or people who work with animals see this all the time. The animal wants to be alone in their pain, lick their wounds, and retreat to safety even though it it not the best action if they truly want to heal.
As humans we cannot and should not react the same way as an animal would. We are built to value and crave relationships. Some of our relationships may be healthy while others are pulling us down. We cannot be everything to everybody, it’s impossible, yet we can make an impact on the lives we touch. Starting with our relationship with Christ, spreading to our spouses, children, and reaching out to family, friends, co-workers, and others that we interact with in our lives. It always works best when we are living our life looking for strength, encouragement, and wisdom from the top and allowing it to filter down through our lives to the people we have the privilege of loving and living life beside.
Take time this week to spend time pray. Investigate your heart, reflect on your relationships, and start the process of breaking down the barriers we have created to falsely shield us. Those barriers are really just holding us back and blocking those who truly love and want to help us. Allow your spouse and others to speak truth into your life.
