Relationships: Granting Your Spouse Permission to Help YOU Heal
Rose picked by Jake from the Mother’s Day bush Karlie gave me last year! Beautiful!I am blessed to have a loving husband. He takes great care of me and the girls, loves me despite my faults, pitches in around the house, always seeking ways to teach our girls, and intentionally invests regularly time and energy into our relationship and our family.
Yet for some reason when I am tired, hurting, or discouraged he is the first person I tend to lash out at. Is it because he is near? Or is it that I trust he will continue loving me as he helps me get through the moments of hurt? Is it that he is the first person who notices that I am struggling? Is it because I allow “little stuff” to build up, get emotional, and blow the “little stuff” way out of proportion? Or is it a complex multitude of feelings and connections of life that make me think it is acceptable to snap at someone truly trying to lovingly help me?
Life is tough. It would be a lie to say that I have not gone through a multitude of various emotions over the past few months. My girls are growing up so quickly and my Momma’s heart is rejoicing yet broken over it at the same time. I have not invested the time and energy into relationships that are important to me. It has been a struggle to balance life, schedules, and times to the point that some days I feel like I am messing up everything or falling short. It feels like there are days when I am rushing through life and trying to just get what has to be accomplished done only to crash at night and re-start the process all over again the next day.
How can I be an encouraging, positive, loving light, sharing God’s grace with those around me when I feel like the walls are falling in on me? I have been praying specifically that God would break down the walls I have built up around my heart, revealed those areas I need to heal and repair, fill the holes that are plugged with the wrong motives, and work in my life, however, it is at times a very painful process.
When an animal is hurting they tend to find a safe place and withdraw into themselves. If you approach a hurt animal when they are in that safe place or feel like they are backed into a corner they have a tendency to snap at anyone reaching out to help them. Their eyes are clouded with hurt or pain, their defenses are up, and they don’t know what to do so they react in anger at anyone trying to help because it is hard for them to distinguish between someone who is trying to hurt and a person who is trying to help. I am sure vets or people who work with animals see this all the time. The animal wants to be alone in their pain, lick their wounds, and retreat to safety even though it it not the best action if they truly want to heal.
As humans we cannot and should not react the same way as an animal would. We are built to value and crave relationships. Some of our relationships may be healthy while others are pulling us down. We cannot be everything to everybody, it’s impossible, yet we can make an impact on the lives we touch. Starting with our relationship with Christ, spreading to our spouses, children, and reaching out to family, friends, co-workers, and others that we interact with in our lives. It always works best when we are living our life looking for strength, encouragement, and wisdom from the top and allowing it to filter down through our lives to the people we have the privilege of loving and living life beside.
Take time this week to spend time pray. Investigate your heart, reflect on your relationships, and start the process of breaking down the barriers we have created to falsely shield us. Those barriers are really just holding us back and blocking those who truly love and want to help us. Allow your spouse and others to speak truth into your life.
Organized Chaos: Keeping Track of Water Bottles
Labeled Water Bottles
Since we have two kids the same age and gender they have several items that are identical. A common identical item that both kids have are their water bottles. Like the blue water bottles with the owls on the outside pictured above. A few months ago we had some issues with everybody using whatever water bottle they wanted (even if it was their sister’s), however, during the course of the school day their sister’s water bottle would get dropped, dented, scratched, broken, or misplaced. The next time that sister wanted to use her water bottle it was gone or had additional marks on it.
I know it seems crazy, but there have been some serious discussions between the two kids in our house over damaged or lost special water bottles. I am pretty sure no other household has these types of discussions in their home, but there were a few times I had to intervene in these conversations. Although, items will get dropped or damaged the more they are used I had to find a solution so that these discussions would not be happening on a regular basis in our house. Prior to this year neither child cared which water bottle they took, but the older they get the more they want their items to look good and last longer. I am happy they they want to take good care of their items we just had to find a method to track which water bottle belonged to who.
My initial solution to the problem super easy, took only a couple seconds, and was very inexpensive. I wrote their names on the special water bottles with a permanent black sharpie. The names were written on the bottoms and / or sides of the water bottles so that each kid could easily see if it was theirs before taking it out of the drawer. It was amazing how quickly the issue was resolved, however, after a several washings the permanent marker would wear off making it harder to tell whose water bottle it was again. Now I use several different methods to identify or keep track of the special water bottles:
- Write the Names on the Water Bottles with Black Permanent Marker (easy and inexpensive, but washes off over time)
- Use a washable Label with their Individual Names Printer on it – My personal favorite are the thin Lovable Labels ones because they stay on through MANY washes (anywhere from a few months to years as long as your kids don’t try peeling them off)
- Purchase water bottles with their Names printed or engraved on them (usually more expensive, but works really well). My favorite place to get printed or engraved names on water bottles is Oriental Trading.
There are several generic water bottles that anybody can use at any time in the drawer, however, the special ones have each child’s name on them. The special water bottles usually have the child’s name written in permanent sharpie on the bottom and a label (or name printed / engraved) on the side of the water bottle. Occasionally someone accidentally picks up the wrong water bottle, but for the most part everyone uses their own or a generic one.
Now if they lose or damage their water bottle then they are the only ones inconvenienced by their actions. One of our kids tends to be a little rougher on water bottles (clipping or tying them to her book bag which is bumped against everything in its path, dropping, or just forgetting it). She has gotten a lot better as she is getting older, but I have to smile when she brings home just the water bottle top because I know that means the water bottle itself did not survive it’s nose dive to the concrete floor at school.
Flashback Friday: Sharing, Sleeping, & Surgery
Brina and Karlie sharing a pacifier
Today our Flashback Friday hits when the girls were only between 1 – 2 months old after coming home from NICU. They shared everything and could sleep peacefully in the most unusual positions. It was much easier to get their pictures at this stage because they were not mobile yet. Thankful for these little blessings. It doesn’t seem like these days were that long ago.
They were preemies and came home on heart / apnea monitors for the first few months. You can see the wires coming out of their clothes in many of the early pictures. We never had to worry about them stopping breathing because the monitors would always alarm if they did. It wasn’t long before we got used to it.
During this time Karlie also had to go back into the hospital to have surgery. Her stomach wasn’t getting the milk she was drinking and she was throwing up after feeding. It was pretty scary taking our little one back in for surgery. Watching her being wheeled off to the operating room in the huge crib broke my heart. Thankful for Doctors and their help during this time.
Baby sleeping pile
Somehow Karlie managed to scoop herself until her bottom was against the wall and had her feet resting up on the wall while snoozing away.
Karlie resting after surgery with her huge IV bandage
Brina hanging out in the pillow. She thought it was pretty cool standing up at first, but decided after a few minutes she would rather be free.
Heart Reflections: First Fruits
Our family has gone through a lot of hills and valleys over the past few years together. Jake and I started out our marriage in debt from school bills. It took the first few years of both of us working to pay off our school debts. After paying off our school loans we began saving to start our own business.
We started our own business and ran it for several years. As life would have it we started dipping into that savings we had set aside and before long we realized that we had to make a decision whether or not to stay in business for ourselves or not. We along with several friends and family fervently prayed for wisdom to make the right decision.
Would the business turn around in a year or should we seek employment elsewhere? After several months of praying and giving it over to God Jake was approached by a contact who wanted him to apply to a couple positions available in the area. We prayed about it and decided to see what would happen since obviously we hadn’t spoken to this person in years and this may be God saying “trust me”. Jake went in for 3 interviews that week by Monday the following week he had offers for all three positions. One of the offers was in Greenville and the other 2 were in nearby cities.
Before even accepting the position my husband came to me. We had been praying for wisdom for so long and when God handpicked a position for him when we were not expecting it he felt like we should give the “first fruits” of this job to God. He gave us this position and we want to honor Him for all he has done for us. God had answered our prayers and we wanted to give back to him.
Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the first fruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine. – Proverbs 3:9-10
Even when the budget was really tight especially during this time we always had enough to cover expenses. After praying about it we decided that the first month’s pay check would be given to God. From that time on any increases or bonuses Jake received from his work we have donated the first portion to God. After receiving a bonus or increase we would set aside the money and pray about where God would want us to give the money. After about a month we would talk again discuss what and who God laid on our hearts. It is amazing to see how much clear God makes that decision. Once the decision is made we give the money to the organization or people God had laid on our hearts as a check, cash, or if it is an organization where we can give it online we do it that way.
I am thankful for my husband who seeks God’s wisdom, is thoughtful, and giving to others. There are times when we could really use that extra money from a bonus or increase to pay for items our family needs (pay a medical bill, debt, or for something we need, etc…), however, we always make it a point to give the first fruits to others first. Ultimately, it is God who gives us the money it is an honor to share what we have with others.
Living on a Budget: Creative Cash (October Update)
October was a super busy month with me being gone for part of the month and out of commission with neck and back issues for several weeks. Thankful for my husband who pitched extra hours to take care of the kids while I was out helping my family in Kansas and out of commission health wise. It is nice to be back home and with Jake and the girls once again. Now that October is behind us it is time to give you an update on my Creative Cash and our special highlight.
What is Creative Cash? My definition of Creative Cash means finding a variety of ways to make extra cash each month to put towards my family’s current financial goal as well as having a little extra to share with others.
Why do it? I am working part time, a stay at home Mom, and wear many other hats from day to day, however, I feel that it is not only important to save money for my family by using coupons and buying items on sale, but to earn a little money to help with the family finances and to share with others. The extra amount I bring in on top of work is what I call “Creative Cash” and it is made by finding ways to make money creatively or with items and talents I have already. As I continue to challenge myself to make my life more simplified as well as find ways to bless others I have made it my goal to remain accountable for the Creative Cash I bring in month to month. My family has faced many obstacles over the years, however, we are blessed and have a multitude of reasons to be grateful.
How it Works: The creative cash will be made throughout the entire calendar month through various endeavors. As Creative Cash arrives the money, gift cards, and other extras are entered into my Creative Cash worksheet. The cash, gift cards, and other items are stored in a specific Creative Cash folder or marked in the account as Creative Cash. At the end of the month the money will be split with part of it going towards the current financial goal my family is working on and the other part will be donated to someone or a group of people such as a charity. It is important for me to find ways to be a blessing to people outside of our immediate family. In order to keep me accountable I will be reporting my monthly total and who I will be sharing the Creative Cash with that month. If it is a specific family or cause I may or may not be able to give all the details due to the amount of privacy they may want, but I promise share any details I can.
Monthly Goal: It is my goal to make at least $100 extra Creative Cash a month to help with my family goals as well as share with others.
Despite being gone and not feeling well the month October was still a wonderful month. I was able to accumulate more than anticipated during the time I was at home! I will share with you the ways I did it so if you are looking for ways to make a little extra creative cash for your family hopefully it will be an inspiration in getting your creative juices flowing:
- $100.00 – 20|20 Research for doing a Panel Discussion
- $24.32 – Credit Card Bonus Rewards (if you are looking to earn interest both on your savings and checking accounts as well as rewards I recommend checking out Capital One 360)
- $5.00 – Amazon Gift Card earned through Swagbucks
- $5.00 – Survey Cash
- $15.00 – Walmart Gift Card from SheSpeaks
October Creative Cash Total: $149.32
Our October Creative Cash Highlight: Our Creative Cash Highlight this month will be Samaritan’s Purse Operation Christmas Child!
Every year during this time we try to set aside money and special items to put together some Operation Christmas Child boxes. The boxes need to be ready by mid-November so October is the perfect month to focus on this ministry. Our whole family looks forward to doing this every year. We feel that it is important to share what we have been given with others and Operation Christmas Child is a great ministry. The kids get really excited about picking out special treats and goodies to go into their boxes. We pray specifically for the kids who will be receiving our boxes. We want to make sure that our boxes are filled with items that are perfect for each child and a blessing to those that receive them. There is so much joy in giving and sharing with others. In October I was able to earn extra creative cash along with some gift cards that will come in very handy when purchasing items for Operation Christmas Child. Your family can get involved too, check out the Samaritan’s Purse website for more information about Operation Christmas Child!
Current Family Goal: We are currently working to stay within our written budget and pay down debt! We recently had to purchase a new microwave and refrigerator. Plus, we had some additional expenses and emergencies that have caused us to have a little extra debt that we would like to get paid off!
- $24.32 Credit Card Bonus was applied towards a debt on a credit card.
- Any remaining money that is not going to our Creative Cash Highlight that’s listed above will be applied towards paying down additional debt!
It was exciting to go past the $100 goal!!! I know this will help us get a little closer to our goals as well as helps others along the way! A hundred dollars extra a month may not seem like a lot to some people, but every little bit helps! If I find that I am going over my goal every month (which would be awesome) I will make an adjustment. I have plan of action on ways to earn creative cash next month so stayed tuned, hopefully, it will be another great month of sharing. Each month I will do a variety activities to accomplish this goal, the items above are just the ones I did specifically this month. I look forward to sharing more of the things that work well for our family as I do them in the upcoming months.
I will share with you the challenges, successes, and updates as I go through this journey so you can keep me accountable or even go through it with me by participating and sharing your story. Taking the extra time to find ways to help my family as well as invest in the lives of others is important to me. I hope that I have been able to encourage you to find ways to come up with some creative cash for your household as well. Obviously, each situation and family is unique so decide what works for you and go for it! If you know of another way to earn creative cash I would love to hear it! Feel free to comment on how you earned creative cash this month or post a picture or link to what you did!
Living on a Budget is a series of ways our family uses a budget to help keep us accountable with our finances. Life doesn’t always go as planned. We have used some of the ideas I will be sharing for years while others are ones we are just starting to implement as we continue finding ways to be creative and have fun with what we have been given. Having a plan in place allows us the freedom to be smart with what we have been given, get more creative when it is a tight (week, month, year or a season) and when necessary live a much more simplified life. A budget helps us stay on track so we have more opportunities to enjoy the many blessings we have been given as well as share what we have with others. There is so much more to life than having all the stuff! We may not have the newest or greatest items in our house, we drive used cars, wear clothes we find at garage sales, etc…however, if our family is taken care of and has love in our hearts for others we have more than all the riches in the world.
Living on a Budget: Creative Cash (September Update)
It’s been awhile since I have shared the Creative Cash report with everyone, but I made it happen this month! Honestly, I have not been as consistent these last couple months in finding creative ways to earn a little extra cash. It’s been busy, but that really isn’t a good excuse. It was brought to my attention recently that when I make a point to share this information with you it:
- Helps keep me accountable
- Gives me extra motivation to be creative
- Keeps me on track
- Reminds me of the goals we are trying to accomplish as a family
- Refreshes my memory on the importance of sharing with others
When you have the ability to share a piece of what you earn with others not only are you blessing their lives it makes your life richer and fuller too! I have made a few adjustments regarding my Creative Cash goals, but otherwise it is pretty similar to the report that I have shared with you in the past.
What is Creative Cash? My definition of Creative Cash means finding a variety of ways to make extra cash each month to put towards my family’s current financial goal as well as having a little extra to share with others.
Why do it? I am working part time, a stay at home Mom, and wear many other hats from day to day, however, I feel that it is not only important to save money for my family by using coupons and buying items on sale, but to earn a little money to help with the family finances and to share with others. The extra amount I bring in on top of work is what I call “Creative Cash” and it is made by finding ways to make money creatively or with items and talents I have already. As I continue to challenge myself to make my life more simplified as well as find ways to bless others I have made it my goal to remain accountable for the Creative Cash I bring in month to month. My family has faced many obstacles over the years, however, we are blessed and have a multitude of reasons to be grateful.
Explanation: The creative cash will be made throughout the entire calendar month through various endeavors. As Creative Cash arrives the money, gift cards, and other extras are entered into my Creative Cash worksheet. The cash, gift cards, and other items are stored in a specific Creative Cash folder or marked in the account as Creative Cash. At the end of the month the money will be split with part of it going towards the current financial goal my family is working on and the other part will be donated to someone or a group of people such as a charity. It is important for me to find ways to be a blessing to people outside of our immediate family.
In the past the donated amount has only gone to charity and was always 50% of whatever Creative Cash was made that month. After much thought and prayer I decided to change this part of my goal. I don’t want to limit myself to giving only 50% or only giving it to charity. There may be some months I feel led to give more than 50% and it may be to a specific cause, purpose, family, or charity. In order to keep me accountable I will be reporting my monthly total and who I will be sharing the Creative Cash with that month. If it is a specific family or cause I may or may not be able to give all the details due to the amount of privacy they may want, but I promise share any details I can.
Monthly Goal: It is my goal to make at least $100 extra Creative Cash a month to help with my family goals as well as share with others.
September was a wonderful month and I was able to accumulate more than anticipated! I will share with you the ways I did it so if you are looking for ways to make a little extra creative cash for your family hopefully it will be an inspiration in getting your creative juices flowing:
- $50.00 – Credit Card Bonus Rewards (if you are looking to earn interest both on your savings and checking accounts as well as rewards I recommend checking out Capital One 360)
- $116.68 – Google Ads payment
- $50.00 – Writing a review for a company
- $15.00 – Walmart Gift Card from SheSpeaks for sharing about the Febreze Fall Home Harvest Collection
September Creative Cash Total: $231.68
Current Family Goal: We are currently working to stay within our written budget and pay down debt (yes, exciting I know)! A couple months ago both our microwave and fridge bit the dust. Plus, we had some additional expenses and emergencies that have caused us to have a little extra debt that we would like to get paid off!
- $15 Walmart Gift Card is not cash nor could we pay down debt with it so we used it towards the vehicle maintenance budget. It was used to purchase oil change supplies for my car which came in handy this month after many miles of driving this summer. Thankful for a husband who can service the vehicles!
- $50 credit card bonus was put towards a debt we currently have on our credit card.
- Any remaining money that is not going to our Creative Cash Blessing Highlight that’s listed below will be applied towards paying down debt!
September Creative Cash Highlight: Our extra Creative Cash this month will be going to a very sweet family who is in the process of adopting a beautiful little girl named Annalise. We have known this family for many years and we are blessed to call these amazing people friends. As you may already know adoption can be a very long and expensive process. You can read more about their adoption story or give as they go through this awesome journey!
It was exciting to surge past the $100 goal!!! I know this will help us get a little closer to our goals as well as helps others along the way! A hundred dollars extra a month may not seem like a lot to some people, but every little bit helps! If I find that I am going over my goal every month (which would be awesome) I will make an adjustment. I have plan of action on ways to earn creative cash next month so stayed tuned, hopefully, it will be another great month of sharing. Each month I will do a variety activities to accomplish this goal, the items above are just the ones I did specifically this month. I look forward to sharing more of the things that work well for our family as I do them in the upcoming months.
I will share with you the challenges, successes, and updates as I go through this journey so you can keep me accountable or even go through it with me by participating and sharing your story. Taking the extra time to find ways to help my family as well as invest in the lives of others is important to me. I hope that I have been able to encourage you to find ways to come up with some creative cash for your household as well. Obviously, each situation and family is unique so decide what works for you and go for it! If you know of another way to earn creative cash I would love to hear it! Feel free to comment on how you earned creative cash this month or post a picture or link to what you did!
Living on a Budget is a series of ways our family uses a budget to help keep us accountable with our finances. Life doesn’t always go as planned. We have used some of the ideas I will be sharing for years while others are ones we are just starting to implement as we continue finding ways to be creative and have fun with what we have been given. Having a plan in place allows us the freedom to be smart with what we have been given, get more creative when it is a tight (week, month, year or a season) and when necessary live a much more simplified life. A budget helps us stay on track so we have more opportunities to enjoy the many blessings we have been given as well as share what we have with others. There is so much more to life than having all the stuff! We may not have the newest or greatest items in our house, we drive used cars, wear clothes we find at garage sales, etc…however, if our family is taken care of and has love in our hearts for others we have more than all the riches in the world.
There Is No Happiness…
Qualities Of A Great Friend…
Family Recipe: Grandma’s Stuffed Pork Chops
Jake’s Grandma Marge is a wonderful cook and she has an amazing recipe for pork chops & stuffing. I am not a huge pork chops fan but these are really delicious. She is a great cook and the pork chops are awesome.Grandma’s Pork Chops & Stuffing:
- 4 Pork Chops (about 1 lb)
- 3 cups Bread Crumbs
- 2 Tablespoon chopped Onion
- 1/4 cup melted Butter or Margarine
- 1/4 cup Water
- 1/4 teaspoon Poultry Seasoning
- 1 can (10 1/2 oz) condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup
- 1/3 cup Water
Brown chops on both side, place in a shallow baking dish. Lightly mix together bread cubes, onion, butter, 1/4 cup water, and poultry seasoning. Place a mound of stuffing on each pork chop. Blend soup and 1/3 cup water; pour over. Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 1 hour or until tender.
Photo by Dan Perry
Living on a Budget: Groceries $40 for 4
It was my fifth full week of doing my new cash budget system – Groceries $40 for 4. This week I was super busy so for the most part we ate from what we had in the fridge, freezer and the pantry. I think it is important to have these weeks where we utilize our food stockpile. Although, it is nice to stock up during the weeks it is equally rewarding having the opportunity to be more creative with the food we have on hand. I even made and delivered a meal for someone in our church this week with the food on hand without making a run to the grocery store for extra ingredients. It felt great saving some of the grocery shopping cash this week too especially since I had a couple higher weeks in the past. Below are my grocery shopping adventures for the week!
Bi-Lo Groceries Grcoeries from Bi-Lo:
- $7.02 at Bi-Lo for 1 gallon of Skim Milk, 1 gallon of 2% Milk, and 1 loaf of bread.
In our fifth week of the challenge – Groceries $40 for 4 we spent $7.02 so it was a pretty good week regarding saving extra grocery cash. We did better this week because I didn’t have the extra time to go grocery shopping and we ate from our pantry. Although I wasn’t able to stock up on a few extra items this week it was wonderful being able to eat some of the items we already had in our fridge and pantry! Last week we stocked up on milk and I froze it, however, I didn’t pull it out in time for it to thaw enough to drink otherwise we wouldn’t have even purchased the milk this week. Oh well….you win some and lose some! I was thrilled to see Bi-Lo still had their milk under $3 so everything went well. I am still trying to work out all the details of how to make the budget most effective for our family and I think we need some weeks have been easier than others. We’ll see how I do next week and yes it’s another busy week!
It is my goal to give you regular updates on this budget section so you can celebrate the good weeks with me and thump me on the bad weeks! As always you are welcomed to join the journey with me. I would love to hear your story and how you are doing too. The purpose of our family doing this it to watch our grocery spending while allowing us to feed our family, enjoy life, share with others, and yet stay on track with our budget.
Living on a Budget is a series of ways our family uses a budget to help keep us accountable with our finances. Life doesn’t always go as planned. We have used some of the ideas I will be sharing for years while others are ones we are just starting to implement as we continue finding ways to be creative and have fun with what we have been given. Having a plan in place allows us the freedom to be smart with what we have been given, get more creative when it is a tight (week, month, year or a season) and when necessary live a much more simplified life. A budget helps us stay on track so we have more opportunities to enjoy the many blessings we have been given as well as share what we have with others. There is so much more to life than having all the stuff. We may not have the newest or greatest items in our house, we drive used cars, and wear hand-me-down clothing…..however, if our family is taken care of and have love for each other and others we have more than all the riches in the world.
