Raising Multiples

  • Raising Twins: How to Handle Favoritism in Twins or Multiples

    Today I am going to discuss a  question that was recently addressed in our Multiples Club because it is something that happens more often then we like to admit in families.  Although my experience is coming from having twins I can image this happens often between siblings as well.

    How do you deal with favoritism in twins or multiples?  For example, when a family member or friend “prefers” or is more drawn to one child over the other child.

    Wow, as a parent we hope and pray that this never happens in our family.  It can be really difficult as a parent to see one child getting extra attention from a grandparent, family member or friend. I know it is normal for people to be drawn to those with similar personalities so how do you make sure your child isn’t scarred for life or is effected negatively by this type of situation?

    It is important that as parents we  love and protect our children as much as we can, however, at some point they will realize that life is not always fair.  When something  “unfair” happens this provides an amazing  opportunity for us to guide them through a tough situation in their  life while reassuring them that he/she is loved, important to the family, and that he/she has many talents / positive characteristics.  During those times they may need a little more one-on-one attention from you.

    Here are a few ways we have helped ease the situation:

    • A lot of prayer – asking God to give you wisdom on how to handle the situation
    • If it is a rare situation don’t bring it up (especially in front of the kids) and try to not make a huge deal out of it  (this is hard to do as a parent, you want to stand up and defend your kids). Instead build the individual children’s confidence by encouraging each child and complimenting them on their positive qualities.
    • If it happens often, after much prayer, you may need to speak to respectfully to the friend or family member letting them know that it has come to your attention and try to set some type of guidelines (for example – please do not bring a gift specifically for one and not the other child, joint gifts intended for all the kids are okay,  if you take the one to a special event find a time to do something special with the other child)
    • As parents go on “Date Nights” with your kids, especially when you have twins or triplets that have spent their entire life together. Jake goes with one and I got with the other one and then we switch the next month. This helps each child to have fun, quality time, and your undivided attention for several hours. Just doing this once a month has opened so many doors into our daughters lives and hearts. They will share things with you that you never knew they struggled with as well as cherish the Mother/Daughter memories they share with you.
    • Focus on the positive strengths and characteristics in each of your children.  Just because they were born on the same day does not mean they will be the same person.  Our two girls have very different personalities and each of them have amazing strengths and talents.

    Have you ever had to deal with this in your family?  What have you done to help your child or children get through this situation?

  • Heart Reflections: Giving from the Heart

    The gifts that Karlie and Brina wrapped up for their friends.

    The other day I had two pieces of left over wrapping paper from a baby shower gift that I gave to the girls to use.  They were busy for about thirty minutes in the dining room talking and wrapping their goodies.  Later I found out they had wrapped up a few small toys to give to a friend that they heard was moving because his parents were having financial problems.  Now the girls didn’t really understand much about what type of the financial problems but they did understand that their friend was having to sell some of his toys because of the move and family situation.  Without any prompting on mine or Jake’s part the girls carefully selected some special toys he would like (silly bands, match box cars, pencils, stickers, and a couple more items), wrapped them up, and brought the gifts in  for us to see.

    It was only when they brought us the completely wrapped gifts that we found out who they were planning on giving them to.  My heart overflowed with joy to know that the girls were willing to part with a few treasured toys to help a friend in need.  They were not just giving any toy, they were trying to find some of their favorite toys to give away.

    How often to I unconditionally give of my best to others?  Do I give from the heart or is it to receive notice or out of the feeling of obligation?  The most wonderful gift comes from the heart with no strings attached much like the greatest gift we have ever been given.  I am thankful for a Savior who gave his life for me and for girls who remind me of what it is like to give generously from the heart to those around us.

    Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God

    which He has given you. – Deuteronomy 16:17

  • Travel & Vacation: Places to Stay and Play in Charleston

    Pizza picnic at the pool in Charleston!

    We got Domino’s (they had a buy 1 pizza get 1 free coupon) and brought it back to the hotel to eat. The girls wanted to check out the pool so we ate by the pool then went swimming.  The first night we stayed at the Holiday Inn in Mt Pleasant, it was literally a block away from Waterfront Park.  It was a busy weekend with a lot baseball tournaments, American Idol tryouts, and a couple other community activities. We still had a blast together and Jake was able to get his work done as well. The biggest down side to this hotel is their breakfast was pretty expensive for families but there are plenty of restaurant chains nearby you can get a breakfast for a great price.

    Swimming with Daddy in the pool.

    The girls enjoyed having some time to swim in the pool after a very hot day at the parks around town.  Thankful for an opportunity to spend some time relaxing together as a family.

    Karlie relaxing and snacking in her makeshift bed.

    Baths were taken and pedicures were done so Karlie decided to take a few minutes to relax and snack in her bed before brushing her teeth and going to sleep.  Glad the girls enjoy going on adventures and are flexible during the trips.

    Karlie, Brina and Mommy's fancy hot pink and purple pedicures!

    On one of our trips this summer I surprised the girls with bringing finger nail polish.  It soon became a tradition when we went on a trip for me to bring a couple “wild” colors and all the girls get their fingernails and toenails painted the first evening in the hotel.  The girls loved spending the time together and getting beautiful in the process.  Sometimes it is the little things you do together that make the most impact.

    Karlie ready to try out a new pool.

    We stayed at the Rodeway Hotel the second night of our trip to Charleston, it was literally across the street from the Holiday Inn so we didn’t have to go too far!  I was so thrilled to see the girls confidence in the water increase over the past few months.  They loved their noodles but were okay not having on their life jackets in the pool.  The hotel had a really great hot breakfast every morning, plus ice cold lemonade any time of the day which was a huge hit with the hot kiddos!

    Brina talking and motioning with her noodle.

    The noodles were great in the water but I remember getting bopped with them several times outside of the pool.  The girls were good about making sure to bring them to the pool but sometimes in the process of walking and talking the noodle was more like a weapon, ha!

    Relaxing at the hotel before crashing.

    We introduced the girls to the show “America’s Funniest Home Videos” on this trip.  They thought it was hilarious and as you can see from this picture they were completely captivated by the show.  Their favorites were the silly animal clips!

    The “Travel and Vacation” series is an insight into our trips together as a family and ways we relax.  Life is short and we were thrilled to have the opportunity to build memories with family and explore of of the most amazing places during our time away.  Explore with a good attitude, look for fun and it will be an awesome trip jammed packed with positive memories.  It is refreshing having some time away from the regular routine.  Make it a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet new people and learn.  You just might see or try something new that takes your breath away!

  • Life’s Little Hiccups: Mint Chocolate S’mores Brownies

    My Mint Chocolate Smores Brownies….burnt to a crispy black color!

    Life doesn’t always go exactly as we plan.  Even though I try to make sure the schedule allows for plenty of time with my family, friends, church, work, household duties, and the many other activities in life that doesn’t mean everything will go smoothly.  The reason I call it Life’s Little Hiccups is because after the “stress” of the moment I can look back at the event and usually laugh.  Yes, it was frustrating to ruin something or that life didn’t go as planned but in light of all the other problems in life this is pretty small.  I have discovered that some of these crazy times make the BEST memories for the family.  How I react and recover from Life’s Little Hiccups speaks volumes into the hearts of my children.  Getting mad or frustrated will not solve the problem and often times there is a creative or easy solution if I just relax, think, and try again.

    It was a Sunday and I had been up since 4 am to take Jake to the airport for a work conference.  The girls and I went to the early service at church then came home and did some activities around the house, ate lunch, and worked on cleaning the garage (as a surprise for Daddy).  I think we had a little bit more fun cleaning the garage than is normal for most people because we had a blast cleaning, talking, laughing, giggling, and telling stories.  Before I knew it the afternoon had flown by and it was time for us to get ready for Community Group and Awana.

    I was in charge of making the desert for Community Group so the girls and I decided to make Mint Chocolate Smore’s Brownies to share (Jake is not a big “mint” person so it was something special that just us girls enjoy).  I put together the brownies, popped them into the oven, and began working with the girls on their verses for Awana.  After wrapping up several sections in their books I decided I should probably get ready.  As I was brushing my teeth Brina comes into the bedroom and says “Mom, it smells good in the kitchen but it looks a little cloudy.”  Oh no!  The BROWNIES!  Well as you can see from the picture above they didn’t turn out as I had hoped.  On the way to Community Group after dropping off the girls at Awana I ran by the grocery store and picked up a cake to share.

    When we got home from the events that evening as we were getting out of the van and Brina says “Mom, it smells good…..like when we burn marshmallows around the fire.”  Even with several windows open the smell had made it to the garage.  The good news though is burnt marshmallows really do have a great smell to them!  One of the many lessons I learned with this “little hiccup” was that stuff will happen (despite my best efforts), it’s not ideal but my reaction and how I handle the situation sets an example for my girls.  After everything we did together that day do you know what their FAVORITE story to tell everyone was?  Yes, the story about how we burnt the Mint Chocolate Smore’s Brownies.

    After removing the layer of burnt marshmallows off the top we were able to eat most of the middle pieces of the brownies (see picture below).  The girls took the brownies to school and told their friends about the brownie adventure they had with Mom over the weekend.  Now we laugh about how silly the whole situation was and that we all managed to not hear the timer go off.  I am thankful that we can look at the hiccups and count our blessings for the teachable moments that became funny memories we can share together.

    The Mint Chocolate Smore’s Brownies after the burnt marshmallows were removed.  The marshmallows made almost a glaze over the brownies and somehow were partially salvageable.  The girls thought it was hilarious taking a piece to school in their lunch.

  • Teaching Our Children: How to Celebrate Special Days (Wrapping Gifts & Writing Cards)

    Birthday balloons they picked out earlier this year - Karlie picked out the star one and Brina picked out the birthday celebration one.

    When a celebration is drawing near whether it is a Birthday or Holiday or Baby Shower or  Wedding or just something fun the girls get excited.   They LOVE wrapping gifts and writing cards.  It is cute watching them pick out the perfect card, beautiful wrapping paper, special balloon, and diligently work on putting together their surprise.  Sure they use a lot more tape, wrapping paper and the process can be messy but think about all the amazing opportunities you have to teach your child during it.

    • The Joy of Giving to others
    • How to wrap a gift with wrapping paper, in a gift bag, and adding the additional bling (ribbons, small gifts, etc…) to it
    • Hand Eye Coordination Skills with the cutting, taping, and folding
    • Creativity with wrapping and writing the card
    • Thinking of others
    • Measuring
    • Shapes
    • Sharing with someone else
    • Sizes and how they fit into a bag or how much paper they will need
    • And Many More
    Karlie wrapping a gift

     I let them each pick out their own wrapping paper to use.  It was a looked a little more like “Christmas” Holiday wrapping paper but that’s what they wanted and it was their gift to give away.  As you can see she picked out a special “treat” gift as well!  I am amazed at how much more efficient they have become even in the last year with wrapping.  Yes, we still have the occasional – “Mom, I didn’t cut the wrapping paper big enough” but overall they are getting better at the process as a whole.  (I’ve even had problems not cutting the paper big enough!)

    Brina working on a card

     Many times the girls will write not only a note in a card to someone but also draw and color a picture for them.  They really do put a lot of heart and thought into the cards and gifts.  It is really neat to see how much they care for others and enjoy doing it.  To them wrapping and card writing is almost as good (maybe better some days) than doing a craft.  Thankful for their willingness to be a blessing to others both family and friends.

  • Loosening My Grip: Why Can’t I Get Pregnant? (Part 4)

    You can read “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant” Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 in case you missed it.

    As my journey continued I was encouraged by friends, began to rely more on prayer, allowed God to loosen my grip on that which I held onto so tightly.

    Multiple Blessings

    Shortly after taking the pregnancy test we called the fertility doctor and I went in for blood work that week.  That afternoon they called me back and wanted me to come back in to do some more blood work and an ultrasound.  I asked what was wrong with the blood work from earlier and they informed me that my counts were higher than they expected.  Of course they reassured me that there was nothing to be concerned about but I still had a vice gripping at my heart…..what if…..somethings wrong…..was this what God was preparing us for…….  Jake went with me to the doctor, they did more blood work, and then I went in for the ultrasound.  The technician quickly found the baby’s heartbeat and showed us our little one and as she moved over a little bit we noticed a second heartbeat and another baby. WHAT!?  The technician said she needed to check and see if there was a third baby and Jake said I gripped his hand tightly and my face went white.  Thankfully God knows exactly what we can handle and give me two beautiful babies.  I praise him for this amazing answer to prayer in my life.  It was a character developing process to get to this point but little did I know that God was not done with me yet.

    The Heartache Was Real

    As I look back I can still sense the pain and heartache that I went through over those years earnestly praying for children.  God chose to answer our prayers but after much pruning in both of our lives.  When I first went to God asking for a child my whole hand was gripped around having a child and he had to loosen my grip one finger at a time.  There were times it was very painful and I didn’t want to let go but slowly I did and after all the heartache the blessings were even more numerous than I could ever imagined.  The timing God chose was perfect in many aspects of our lives including our jobs to insurance to family situation and more.  God not only answered my specific prayers he also revealed his perfect timing in our lives.

    Questions

    Here are some of the questions I found myself struggling with during this time in my life:

    • Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?
    • What’s Wrong with Me?
    • Why Would God Give Me this Desire and Not Fulfill It?
    • Is God Going to Answer My Prayers?
    • Does God Hear Me?
    • Am I Not Good Enough to be  Mom?

    If you are going through the heartache and asking yourself any of these questions and/or more my heart and prayers go out to you.  I know it hurts.  There are more people than you realize who are going through a similar situation.

    You Are Not Alone

    I want to let you know, You Are NOT ALONE!  Many couples experience similar journeys.  Take time to pray and share with your close family, friends, and mentors.  Allow them to come alongside you and pray with you.  God can work a miracle in our lives if we let go of those specific items we are holding onto so tightly.  Not only is His timing truly amazing he has something special planned for your life and for the lives of your children.  My heart and prayers go out to you and if I could reach through the computer and give you a hug I would do it in a heartbeat.  It’s okay to cry, talk about it, and slowly start loosening your grip so you can see what amazing plans God has for your life.

    This concludes my “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?” series, however, stayed tuned for the next Loosening My Grip series.

    A little bit more about the Loosening My Grip series

    Looking back over the last few years it is much easier to see God’s perfect timing.  It was painful waiting, having people constantly ask questions, going to the doctor, praying, dealing with the emotions, and feeling like God didn’t even care.

    After much prayer and resistance I have decided to start my “Loosening My Grip” series.  I came up with the theme and idea more than a year ago.  Every time I start to write a little more on this topic I decide to just not do it.  Why?

    • It is personal
    • I still struggle with many issues in my life and continue to learn of more areas that I need to loosen my grip on
    • The feeling of inadequacy to write on the topic
    • No one else probably has these issues nor would they want to read about mine

    God has been working overtime on me to do it even though my flesh says stay away from certain areas.  It is difficult writing about those topics that are really near and dear to our hearts.  Most likely the series will not always go in chronological order because I am writing the topics as God lays them on my heart to write.  Maybe there is someone out there that has experienced similar struggles or is currently going through this situation in their life.  I hope to be an encouragement to you.  I want you know that you’re not alone; we have strength and support from a God that is so much bigger than any one of us.

    Loosening My Grip is a series on areas in my life I am learning to let go of slowly.  Several months ago I was studying Jonah and one of the phrases popped out at me was “Whatever you are holding on to in this life, hold it loosely so it won’t hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away.”  I have found that in some areas God has had to pry my fingers off of whatever I am holding onto one finger at a time.  There are areas in my life that I feel like I need control over and hold onto them tightly when God really has something so much more beautiful in store for me.  I have been learning how to let go and hold onto things more loosely so God can do His work in my life.

    Photo by Downstairs Dev

  • Travel & Vacation: Enjoying Charleston’s Piers

    Boats loading on the edge of the pier.

    The boats are getting loaded up at the end of the pier.

    Little crabs at the waters edge

    They would run down the sand picking up pieces to eat and then would run back up the beach when the wave came in.  It was neat to watch the wave of crabs running back and forth.  We were standing on the edge of the pier these little crabs were scurrying back and forth with the tide coming in.  The girls thought it was hilarious.

    I was moving fast enough so Brina ran back to check on me.

    Love seeing the thoughtfulness and compassion in this sweet girl.  She truly does care about others and wants everyone to have fun together.

    Karlie on the run!

    Karlie noticed that Brina and I were still coming up the pier so she decided to check out what we were up to.  When did my babies grown up?  So excited yet sad to see how much they have changed even over the past year.

    Standing at the edge of the pier looking at the bridge that leads to Daniel's Island.

    The girls thought it was a little scary at the end of the pier, but thought it was super cool looking at the bridge.

    Karlie and Brina running down the pier

    The girls had a race down the pier.  They were running and giggling the whole way.  It’s amazing how educational and entertaining time at the pier can be for the kids!

    The “Travel and Vacation” series is an insight into our trips together as a family and ways we relax.  Life is short and we were thrilled to have the opportunity to build memories with family and explore of of the most amazing places during our time away.  Explore with a good attitude, look for fun and it will be an awesome trip jammed packed with positive memories.  It is refreshing having some time away from the regular routine.  Make it a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet new people and learn.  You just might see or try something new that takes your breath away!

  • Travel & Vacation: Great Parks in the Charleston, SC Area

    Cool moving bridge at Center Park

    We found a cute little park on Daniel’s Island, SC with a lot of shade and water fountains (thankfully since it was over 107 and humid that day) only a couple miles down the road from where Jake was working.  This was the most entertaining part on the whole jungle gym!  It was a moving bridge!  You could get on it at one location of the jungle gym and either have someone push you across or you could stand at other side and spin a wheel that pulls you across to the other side of the jungle gym.  The girls (and Mommy) where fascinated by this cool moving bridge and it provided quite a bit of entertainment for all of us!

    Karlie sitting on the wall!

    Karlie thought this wall in the park was awesome!  She would climb up, sit for a few minutes watching everyone and talk anyone nearby then get down.  I think she liked being up higher and over looking the park!

    Brina coming through the blue tunnel at Center Park.

    She thought it was hilarious going through the random tunnels and would giggle when she “caught” me watching at her!  So sneaky!

    Brina saying "hi" to her new friend

    These bubble blowers were such a HUGE hit!  It was so cute seeing Brina just checking out it’s face, it really was a bug friend to her!

    So....when I blew through here bubbles come out?!

    I tried to find these again this year but they must have sold out.  When you blow through the tail of the dragon fly the silver wings spin and a lot of bubbles come out of the dragon fly’s mouth.

    Mommy's about to get blasted with dragonfly bubbles

    This was shortly before a wave of bubbles came my way.  Brina thought it was awesome blowing dragonfly bubbles my direction!

    Karlie on the run at Waterfront Park under the Arthur Ravenel Bridge

    The Waterfront Park under the Arthur Ravenel Bridge is one of our favorite parks to hang out at in Charleston.  It always has shade from the bridge and has very clean restrooms and a cold water fountain.

    Brina playing at Waterfront Park in Mt Pleasant / Charleston, SC

    The Waterfront park is a great place to hang out before going into Downtown Charleston.  You can play in the park, walk on the pier, enjoy ice cream from the snack shop or watch free movies in the evenings during the summer months.

    Sitting on the slide at Waterfront Park

    Brina and Karlie taking a few minutes to cool down and talk while sitting on the slide.  They thought it was such a cool place to sit!

    Karlie relaxing on the boat's railing

    Karlie content to relax for a few moments against the boat’s railing.  This little park is in front of the Information Center for Daniel’s Island right next to a pier.  The girls really liked this park even though it did not have a lot of shade, a restroom or water fountain they still requested to go to this park to walk the pier and “pet” their turtle friends.

    Karlie and Brina driving the little white boat

    The girls thought it was very cool having the boat in the park.

    Hanging out with Daddy on the boat.

    Karlie is laughing at Daddy, while Brina and Daddy look at the camera.  The girls thought this park was so much fun that they had to take Daddy by to check it out too!

    Talking about the boat.

    An inside shot of the boat.  The girls and Daddy were having a fun decision about boats by the time I got their.  Jake had to be melting that day, it was well over 100 degrees and he was in pants and a long sleeved shirt.  Thankfully he was okay going to the “turtle park” to have a picnic with his girls over lunch despite the heat.

    One of the turtles

    They named each turtle and every time we go back they catch on their friends.

    My two little monkeys on top of the jungle gym!

    Karlie and Brina on the top for the jungle gym at a park across from one of the Daniel Island schools.  I was thankful for the higher railings at the top since they one was a good distance up.  They thought it was so funny how little Mommy looked from WAY up high!  It was over 108 degrees that day and no one else was brave enough to play on the jungle gym (or maybe they were smart enough to stay inside).  This park had really nice restaurants but the water fountain was broken.

    Brina bringing their flip-flops over

    This is the Mt. Pleasant Palmetto Islands County Park.  It has a wide area with the rubber padding.  The girls loved playing at this park.  You could also rent paddle boats, go to a Water Park or go on a hike.

    Caught Karlie sneaking down the long slide.

    The girls loved being “big” enough to climb up to the top of the tallest jungle gym and go down the long slide.  It took them several tries to work up enough courage to get up the climbing wall or pole but it was well worth it!

    Spinning in the yellow tire swing.

    The girls liked spinning and spinning in the yellow tire swing.  It made me sick just spinning and watching them after a few minutes.  They thought it was hilarious to jump off and run across the playground after spinning for several minutes!

    Karlie riding on another one of the spinning items at the park.

    She could spin herself but her preference was to have me stand beside her and spin until she said that was good.

    They literally wore out their flip-flops on this Charleston trip.  Since we were staying in a different location we were able to visit several parks and they girls played hard.  We tried to meet Daddy over lunch most days to take him on a picnic to one of the cool parks the girls have discovered, if we didn’t get a chance to go with him over lunch they would insist he check out the parks after dinner in the evening.  The girls were very good despite the heat during our visit to Charleston that week!  Although they would crash by the time we got back to the hotel at night, they were ready to head back out at the break of dawn!  What amazing memories we made during our park explorations in Charleston!  We are already looking forward to our next trip together!

  • Book: “If You Take a Mouse to School” by Laura Numeroff

    In celebration of the girls being in school for a few weeks now I decided to highlight a book that is about school.  The girls really enjoy Laura Numeroff’s book and one of their favorites is If You Take a Mouse to School.  It is a fun and engaging book about a mouse going to school.  The girls think it would be so neat to take a mouse (or any pet for that matter) to school with them.  We have read this book and several other ones by Laura Numeroff many times.  It is a great book for beginning readers.

    Here are a few of Laura Numeroff’s popular  “If You Give…”  books that are a hit in our family: