Loosening My Grip: Why Can’t I Get Pregnant? (Part 4)

You can read “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant” Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 in case you missed it.

As my journey continued I was encouraged by friends, began to rely more on prayer, allowed God to loosen my grip on that which I held onto so tightly.

Multiple Blessings

Shortly after taking the pregnancy test we called the fertility doctor and I went in for blood work that week.  That afternoon they called me back and wanted me to come back in to do some more blood work and an ultrasound.  I asked what was wrong with the blood work from earlier and they informed me that my counts were higher than they expected.  Of course they reassured me that there was nothing to be concerned about but I still had a vice gripping at my heart…..what if…..somethings wrong…..was this what God was preparing us for…….  Jake went with me to the doctor, they did more blood work, and then I went in for the ultrasound.  The technician quickly found the baby’s heartbeat and showed us our little one and as she moved over a little bit we noticed a second heartbeat and another baby. WHAT!?  The technician said she needed to check and see if there was a third baby and Jake said I gripped his hand tightly and my face went white.  Thankfully God knows exactly what we can handle and give me two beautiful babies.  I praise him for this amazing answer to prayer in my life.  It was a character developing process to get to this point but little did I know that God was not done with me yet.

The Heartache Was Real

As I look back I can still sense the pain and heartache that I went through over those years earnestly praying for children.  God chose to answer our prayers but after much pruning in both of our lives.  When I first went to God asking for a child my whole hand was gripped around having a child and he had to loosen my grip one finger at a time.  There were times it was very painful and I didn’t want to let go but slowly I did and after all the heartache the blessings were even more numerous than I could ever imagined.  The timing God chose was perfect in many aspects of our lives including our jobs to insurance to family situation and more.  God not only answered my specific prayers he also revealed his perfect timing in our lives.

Questions

Here are some of the questions I found myself struggling with during this time in my life:

• Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?
• What’s Wrong with Me?
• Why Would God Give Me this Desire and Not Fulfill It?
• Is God Going to Answer My Prayers?
• Does God Hear Me?
• Am I Not Good Enough to be  Mom?

If you are going through the heartache and asking yourself any of these questions and/or more my heart and prayers go out to you.  I know it hurts.  There are more people than you realize who are going through a similar situation.

You Are Not Alone

I want to let you know, You Are NOT ALONE!  Many couples experience similar journeys.  Take time to pray and share with your close family, friends, and mentors.  Allow them to come alongside you and pray with you.  God can work a miracle in our lives if we let go of those specific items we are holding onto so tightly.  Not only is His timing truly amazing he has something special planned for your life and for the lives of your children.  My heart and prayers go out to you and if I could reach through the computer and give you a hug I would do it in a heartbeat.  It’s okay to cry, talk about it, and slowly start loosening your grip so you can see what amazing plans God has for your life.

This concludes my “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?” series, however, stayed tuned for the next Loosening My Grip series.

A little bit more about the Loosening My Grip series

Looking back over the last few years it is much easier to see God’s perfect timing.  It was painful waiting, having people constantly ask questions, going to the doctor, praying, dealing with the emotions, and feeling like God didn’t even care.

After much prayer and resistance I have decided to start my “Loosening My Grip” series.  I came up with the theme and idea more than a year ago.  Every time I start to write a little more on this topic I decide to just not do it.  Why?

• It is personal
• I still struggle with many issues in my life and continue to learn of more areas that I need to loosen my grip on
• The feeling of inadequacy to write on the topic
• No one else probably has these issues nor would they want to read about mine

God has been working overtime on me to do it even though my flesh says stay away from certain areas.  It is difficult writing about those topics that are really near and dear to our hearts.  Most likely the series will not always go in chronological order because I am writing the topics as God lays them on my heart to write.  Maybe there is someone out there that has experienced similar struggles or is currently going through this situation in their life.  I hope to be an encouragement to you.  I want you know that you’re not alone; we have strength and support from a God that is so much bigger than any one of us.

Loosening My Grip is a series on areas in my life I am learning to let go of slowly.  Several months ago I was studying Jonah and one of the phrases popped out at me was “Whatever you are holding on to in this life, hold it loosely so it won’t hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away.”  I have found that in some areas God has had to pry my fingers off of whatever I am holding onto one finger at a time.  There are areas in my life that I feel like I need control over and hold onto them tightly when God really has something so much more beautiful in store for me.  I have been learning how to let go and hold onto things more loosely so God can do His work in my life.

Photo by Downstairs Dev