Loosening My Grip: Why Can’t I Get Pregnant? (Part 4)
You can read “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant” Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 in case you missed it.
As my journey continued I was encouraged by friends, began to rely more on prayer, allowed God to loosen my grip on that which I held onto so tightly.
Multiple Blessings
Shortly after taking the pregnancy test we called the fertility doctor and I went in for blood work that week. That afternoon they called me back and wanted me to come back in to do some more blood work and an ultrasound. I asked what was wrong with the blood work from earlier and they informed me that my counts were higher than they expected. Of course they reassured me that there was nothing to be concerned about but I still had a vice gripping at my heart…..what if…..somethings wrong…..was this what God was preparing us for……. Jake went with me to the doctor, they did more blood work, and then I went in for the ultrasound. The technician quickly found the baby’s heartbeat and showed us our little one and as she moved over a little bit we noticed a second heartbeat and another baby. WHAT!? The technician said she needed to check and see if there was a third baby and Jake said I gripped his hand tightly and my face went white. Thankfully God knows exactly what we can handle and give me two beautiful babies. I praise him for this amazing answer to prayer in my life. It was a character developing process to get to this point but little did I know that God was not done with me yet.
The Heartache Was Real
As I look back I can still sense the pain and heartache that I went through over those years earnestly praying for children. God chose to answer our prayers but after much pruning in both of our lives. When I first went to God asking for a child my whole hand was gripped around having a child and he had to loosen my grip one finger at a time. There were times it was very painful and I didn’t want to let go but slowly I did and after all the heartache the blessings were even more numerous than I could ever imagined. The timing God chose was perfect in many aspects of our lives including our jobs to insurance to family situation and more. God not only answered my specific prayers he also revealed his perfect timing in our lives.
Questions
Here are some of the questions I found myself struggling with during this time in my life:
- Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?
- What’s Wrong with Me?
- Why Would God Give Me this Desire and Not Fulfill It?
- Is God Going to Answer My Prayers?
- Does God Hear Me?
- Am I Not Good Enough to be Mom?
If you are going through the heartache and asking yourself any of these questions and/or more my heart and prayers go out to you. I know it hurts. There are more people than you realize who are going through a similar situation.
You Are Not Alone
I want to let you know, You Are NOT ALONE! Many couples experience similar journeys. Take time to pray and share with your close family, friends, and mentors. Allow them to come alongside you and pray with you. God can work a miracle in our lives if we let go of those specific items we are holding onto so tightly. Not only is His timing truly amazing he has something special planned for your life and for the lives of your children. My heart and prayers go out to you and if I could reach through the computer and give you a hug I would do it in a heartbeat. It’s okay to cry, talk about it, and slowly start loosening your grip so you can see what amazing plans God has for your life.
This concludes my “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?” series, however, stayed tuned for the next Loosening My Grip series.
A little bit more about the Loosening My Grip series
Looking back over the last few years it is much easier to see God’s perfect timing. It was painful waiting, having people constantly ask questions, going to the doctor, praying, dealing with the emotions, and feeling like God didn’t even care.
After much prayer and resistance I have decided to start my “Loosening My Grip” series. I came up with the theme and idea more than a year ago. Every time I start to write a little more on this topic I decide to just not do it. Why?
- It is personal
- I still struggle with many issues in my life and continue to learn of more areas that I need to loosen my grip on
- The feeling of inadequacy to write on the topic
- No one else probably has these issues nor would they want to read about mine
God has been working overtime on me to do it even though my flesh says stay away from certain areas. It is difficult writing about those topics that are really near and dear to our hearts. Most likely the series will not always go in chronological order because I am writing the topics as God lays them on my heart to write. Maybe there is someone out there that has experienced similar struggles or is currently going through this situation in their life. I hope to be an encouragement to you. I want you know that you’re not alone; we have strength and support from a God that is so much bigger than any one of us.
Loosening My Grip is a series on areas in my life I am learning to let go of slowly. Several months ago I was studying Jonah and one of the phrases popped out at me was “Whatever you are holding on to in this life, hold it loosely so it won’t hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away.” I have found that in some areas God has had to pry my fingers off of whatever I am holding onto one finger at a time. There are areas in my life that I feel like I need control over and hold onto them tightly when God really has something so much more beautiful in store for me. I have been learning how to let go and hold onto things more loosely so God can do His work in my life.
Photo by Downstairs Dev
Loosening My Grip: Why Can’t I Get Pregnant? (Part 2)
If you missed it, you can read “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant” Part 1.
Now that I have learned to let go of my personal agenda, that I will not always receive clear answers, doctors can be puzzled, and to rejoice with others even when my heart is heavy I can continue onto the next phase which I had been longing for right?
Learning to Share with to Others
After three years of trying to have children and the emotional roller coaster I was getting discouraged. We did everything the doctors told us to do yet still no children. At this point I decided to start praying specifically for a person I could talk to about what I was going through. When certain people would bring up the tough topic I would share a little bit about what we were going through. Although, they were extremely compassionate and many began praying along with me none of them had been through similar situations. I found out that several of my friends and family members had experienced miscarriages which is another equally emotional situation when you are trying to start a family. One beautiful lesson I learned during this time in my life is by opening up my heart to others it gave them the confidence to share their own struggles. Even though my struggles were different it allowed me to pray for others while going through a tough season myself. Each person has their own set of items they are learning to loosen their grip on and by praying for others it took my focus off myself so I could be an encouragement to those around me.
Power of Praying Friends
By opening my heart to a few people it did ease some of the hurt I was feeling. Some days were still tough but at least I had a network of people praying for us as a couple and as a family. I felt like my OB wasn’t interested in helping and when I would call his office I would get the nurse’s voice mail after several prompts and since I wasn’t pregnant, scheduling or an emergency many times the nurse would never call me back. When you have a group of people praying with you the direction seems so much clearer. At this point in the journey I knew it was time to consider seeing another doctor.
Miracle of Answered Prayers
A few months later after much prayer I decided to ask Jake’s cousin, Mandy, who was a local nurse for recommendations on OB’s doctors. Mandy was truly an answer to prayer. She is a nurse and knew a lot of doctors so she had a better idea of where to direct me. I ended up going to one of the OB’s she recommended. Mandy was more of an encouragement then she’ll probably ever know during this season in my life. God used her to guide me to the professional doctors I needed in my life during this time.
A Fresh Perspective
The new doctor was great, listened, and recommended I at least consider meeting with a fertility doctor. We met with the fertility doctor and he was very positive, however, wanted to do more tests. Then wait a few months. One of the recommendations he made to us was for me to consider finding a less stressful career. I was working long hours at an attorney’s office and Jake had been encouraging me to look for something less stressful as well, but I didn’t want to stop working until after I had kids (yet another area I was attempting to control in my life). Also, during this time we were made aware that the prescription I was given by my previous OB was 4 times stronger than what I should have been taking (which is why I was so sick). Thankfully, God worked in that situation and gave us wisdom to stop taking it.
Difficult Decisions
After seeing the doctor Jake and I prayed about my work situation again and decided (reluctantly at first) that I should quit and look for something part time that was less stressful. It was difficult giving up a job that I worked so hard at but at the same time if I wanted a family it was something I needed to do. A couple months later I found a really neat part time position that was great and more laid back, yet another amazing answer to prayer.
A New Opportunity
During that waiting period Mandy approached me and told me about a new Case Study a friend of hers was doing called “Fit & Fertile” and it was being led by the fertility doctor I met several months before. The study was on changing your diet, exercise, and lower stress level to see if a series of non-medicated changes could help women get pregnant. In that group I met amazing women that were experiencing similar situations. Some of them already had one child but couldn’t have a second and others were like me and were unable to get pregnant even the first time. The nurse and doctor did blood work before and after the study but otherwise that was it. I was a little weary of the case study working but God had obviously directed me to it so I had to follow through with it trusting He knew what was best for me.
……this series will be continued next Wednesday!
A little bit more about the Loosening My Grip series
Looking back over the last few years it is much easier to see God’s perfect timing. It was painful waiting, having people constantly ask questions, going to the doctor, praying, dealing with the emotions, and feeling like God didn’t even care.
After much prayer and resistance I have decided to start my “Loosening My Grip” series. I came up with the theme and idea more than a year ago. Every time I start to write a little more on this topic I decide to just not do it. Why?
- It is personal
- I still struggle with many issues in my life and continue to learn of more areas that I need to loosen my grip on
- The feeling of inadequacy to write on the topic
- No one else probably has these issues nor would they want to read about mine
God has been working overtime on me to do it even though my flesh says stay away from certain areas. It is difficult writing about those topics that are really near and dear to our hearts. Most likely the series will not always go in chronological order because I am writing the topics as God lays them on my heart to write. Maybe there is someone out there that has experienced similar struggles or is currently going through this situation in their life. I hope to be an encouragement to you. I want you know that you’re not alone; we have strength and support from a God that is so much bigger than any one of us.
Loosening My Grip is a series on areas in my life I am learning to let go of slowly. Several months ago I was studying Jonah and one of the phrases popped out at me was “Whatever you are holding on to in this life, hold it loosely so it won’t hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away.” I have found that in some areas God has had to pry my fingers off of whatever I am holding onto one finger at a time. There are areas in my life that I feel like I need control over and hold onto them tightly when God really has something so much more beautiful in store for me. I have been learning how to let go and hold onto things more loosely so God can do His work in my life.
Photo by Downstairs Dev
Loosening My Grip: Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?
Having kids was always something I looked forward to in my life. Thankfully, I married an amazing man who wanted a family as well. Jake and I were very excited when we decided it was time in our marriage to expand our family. Although we thought it was the perfect time for us to start a family of our own we quickly realized that God had other plans for our lives.
Letting Go of My Personal Agenda
It is funny how we make up the “ideal” time line in our head of how life should happen because we want to feel in control of the situation and schedule, but God often has other plans in mind for us. At this point in our marriage Jake was a developer at a local telecom company and I was working for a real estate attorney. Although, our careers kept us busy they also provided extra stress in our lives. It was hard letting go of my personal agenda regarding having children and allowing God to prune areas of my life during this season.
We Don’t Always Get a Clear Answer
I wanted to have children, and I believe God gives us those desires in life, even though we couldn’t get pregnant. When I pray for something so fervently and specifically it is hard understand or know why God chooses at certain times to say “No” or “Not Now”. The first several months it didn’t bother me too much I would let it roll off while thinking it’s not a big deal maybe next month. In the meantime I am surrounded by wonderful friends and family members that were getting pregnant by just looking at their spouses (not really but it wasn’t a struggle for them). As I was celebrating in their joy month after month then year after year it became more difficult for me. I would be at the grocery store standing in line and a complete stranger next to me would be complaining about “being pregnant” or “what I am suppose to do with another kid” or “kids are just extra stress in your marriage be thankful you don’t have any” or screaming at their kids; each time it was like a knife piercing into my heart just hearing those words or seeing the interactions.
Even Doctors Can Be Puzzled
After about a year Jake and I decided that I should talk to my Ob at my regular visit. The older Doctor was nice about it but just smiled and said it will take time. A year later he was still saying the same thing but he went ahead and prescribed some medicine for me to take to help increase my chances of getting pregnant which made my husband and I hopeful. The medicine ended up making me really sick and after several weeks the doctor said to just stop taking it and wait…….again.
Rejoicing with Others When Your Heart is Heavy
By the time Jake and I had been married several years most of our close friends had already had a baby or more and people (both friends and family) began asking that dreaded question……. “When do you think you’ll have kids?” and/or “Are planning on having kids?” Completely innocent conversational questions right?! Not necessarily, the first time I was asked that question I really didn’t know how to respond. How do you tell a family member or acquaintance “We’ve been trying for several years but God is choosing to not answer my prayer?!” Does God not hear my prayers? Is he answering “No, not now?” or “No, never?” I really didn’t know the answer at that point in my journey.
……this series will be continued next Wednesday!
A little bit more about the Loosening My Grip series
Looking back over the last few years it is much easier to see God’s perfect timing. It was painful waiting, having people constantly ask questions, going to the doctor, praying, dealing with the emotions, and feeling like God didn’t even care.
After much prayer and resistance I have decided to start my “Loosening My Grip” series. I came up with the theme and idea more than a year ago. Every time I start to write a little more on this topic I decide to just not do it. Why?
- It is personal
- I still struggle with many issues in my life and continue to learn of more areas that I need to loosen my grip on
- The feeling of inadequacy to write on the topic
- No one else probably has these issues nor would they want to read about mine
God has been working overtime on me to do it even though my flesh says stay away from certain areas. It is difficult writing about those topics that are really near and dear to our hearts. Most likely the series will not always go in chronological order because I am writing the topics as God lays them on my heart to write. Maybe there is someone out there that has experienced similar struggles or is currently going through this situation in their life. I hope to be an encouragement to you. I want you know that you’re not alone; we have strength and support from a God that is so much bigger than any one of us.
Loosening My Grip is a series on areas in my life I am learning to let go of slowly. Several months ago I was studying Jonah and one of the phrases popped out at me was “Whatever you are holding on to in this life, hold it loosely so it won’t hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away.” I have found that in some areas God has had to pry my fingers off of whatever I am holding onto one finger at a time. There are areas in my life that I feel like I need control over and hold onto them tightly when God really has something so much more beautiful in store for me. I have been learning how to let go and hold onto things more loosely so God can do His work in my life.
Photo by Downstairs Dev
