A couple weeks before the girls were born, wearing my “Handle with Care” shirt

Seven years ago on December 1, 2004 I went on permanent bedrest after almost losing the girls at 20 weeks into my pregnancy. Thankfully with God’s help,  doctors wisdom, and the prayers of many people their lives were spared.  Jake and I had prayed for these kids for so long that the thought of losing them was overwhelming.  After surgery and several days in the hospital I was put on strict bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy.  The girls were not due until April 15, 2005 but here I was on December 1st stuck in bed for the rest of my pregnancy.  Their nursery wasn’t started, I was training my work replacement from my bed, and I was completely dependent on others for almost everything.

Here were my bedrest orders:

• Allowed one 5 minute shower a day, sitting down (Jake put a stool in the shower)
• Drink 1 gallon of water a day to help reduce contractions
• Must be reclined for the majority of the day / night
• Only physical activity would be to walk to and from the bathroom (which was part of the master bedroom so it was about 5 to 7 steps each direction)
• No more than 3 hours of work each day (included computer work and phone calls, this helped reduce any extra stress).
• No driving or riding in a car (only exception was when Jake drove me to my weekly doctor appointment)
• One trip in a wheel chair to the high risk and regular ob doctor each week (they happened to be one floor apart so they both coordinated my appointments).

Every time I “disobeyed” these instructions I was in the hospital that evening with severe contractions.  For example, I decided that I could walk to the kitchen only 20 steps away and pick up a few dishes on the counter top.  That night I was in the hospital with serious contractions.  I did this and similar things a couple other times.  The last time I was in the hospital for not following the bed rest rules the high risk doctor looked me into the eyes and said “If you cannot follow these instructions and have to come to the hospital again we will keep you in the hospital until you have the babies.  It is your choice, stay home on strict permanent bedrest and follow the guidelines we put in place for you or live in the hospital until they are delivered.”  I really think he was serious too.  After thinking about it for a few minutes I realized how selfish I was being risking the girls lives to “pick up a few dishes” in this instance.

It was VERY difficult relying on others to do almost everything for me.  I couldn’t cook, clean, walk around, decorate, go outside, drive, ride in a car, shop….nothing……unless it was safe to do from bed and only for a limited time.  Thankfully, Jake had a more flexible work schedule and would work all morning in the office and come home in the afternoon and work from home.  During this time I learned A LOT of very important lessons.

• Prayer is powerful.
• God can perform miracles.
• You live “Day by Day” with gratefulness because each day we made it through was better for the little ones I was carrying.
• Thankfulness for a spouse who is kind, patient, positive, helpful, and dedicated.
• The house will not always be clean when house guests came over
• You can have a great time visiting with friends and family (even if everyone is sitting on my bed in the bedroom)
• Thankfulness for Friends & Family and the MANY AMAZING blessings they bestowed on our family (bringing food, encouraging notes, cleaning, sending goodies, prayers, helping get the nursery ready, coming to spend time with me, gifts, watching movies, so much more).
• You don’t have to be involved in everything and life goes on for everyone even though your spending your days in bed.
• Listening to messages from church on audio is not ideal but doable.
• Family, Friends and Strangers will never see me “pregnant”
• I would not have a “normal” pregnancy and that’s okay we each have our own journey God chooses to take us on.
• I will not get to shop or go to the store to pick out items I want for a baby shower registry (thankful for friends, family and online for this one as well).
• Holiday travel and normal shopping is not an option, but people may come to see you (My sweet creative husband set up the guest bed in the living room and wheeled me down the hall in the wheelchair so I could enjoy Christmas Day in bed and in front of the tree.  My parents and brother made it out to celebrate with us that year.)
• You can drink a gallon or more of water every day.
• The local Multiples Club can be an wonderful resource and encouragement during a season of bedrest.
• There is much to be thankful for even when you spend every day and night in bed.
• Changing the bedroom / bed every night and day makes a huge difference in perspective (regular bed at night with all computer items removed from the room and during the day having throw blankets / pillows with the curtains open)
• The stressfulness of the bedrest season has more of an impact on a spouse then I first realized.
• You can stay busy even while on strict bedrest.
• You can handle shots and needles when there is a great blessing at the end of the painful season.
• Having my little brother next door was a tremendous blessing
• It is only for a season even though strict bedrest is not ideal it is very worth it – I have two beautiful girls now!
• It is possible to go over 5,000 minutes a month on a cell phone
• Thankful that I had a job where I could work a couple hours a day even from bed.
• Phone, email, mail, and internet communication was a lifeline between those I could not see or visit
• I really should have taken more pictures…..somehow I never got a full picture of my bedrest room (Jake did an amazing job setting up the table, shelves, computer and everything.  Literally everything was within arm’s reach.)
• Going to the doctor and getting a Big Mac on the way home could really be my biggest highlight during a bedrest week!

I have MUCH to be grateful for in my life.  Looking back over this season in my life it was a mix of happiness and tears.  I was rejoicing in being pregnant but at the same time I struggled with relying on others to do stuff that I have always done for myself.  God taught me a lot during this time.

When the girls were little we would spend all day in bed on December 1st to celebrate bedrest day.  We would spend the day looking at pictures, talking about how God helped us through this time and protected the girls, playing games, reading books, and watching a movie.    The girls were always amazed at how far away from their actual birthday Bedrest Day was.  Now that the girls are in school it is difficult to spend the day in bed to celebrate our Bedrest Day, but it is still fun to discuss it with the family!

After 12 weeks of bedrest the girls made their appearance on February 18th.  Thankfully they were only in NICU for a few weeks and even though they were small they were healthy.  It is amazing to look back and see how God has carried us through even the tough seasons.  I am truly grateful for my family, friends, and the many blessings in my life.

Loosening My Grip is a series on areas in my life I am learning to let go of slowly.  Several months ago I was studying Jonah and one of the phrases popped out at me was “Whatever you are holding on to in this life, hold it loosely so it won’t hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away.”  I have found that in some areas God has had to pry my fingers off of whatever I am holding onto one finger at a time.  There are areas in my life that I feel like I need control over and hold onto them tightly when God really has something so much more beautiful in store for me.  I have been learning how to let go and hold onto things more loosely so God can do His work in my life.