Loosening My Grip: Why Can’t I Get Pregnant? (Part 4)
You can read “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant” Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 in case you missed it.
As my journey continued I was encouraged by friends, began to rely more on prayer, allowed God to loosen my grip on that which I held onto so tightly.
Multiple Blessings
Shortly after taking the pregnancy test we called the fertility doctor and I went in for blood work that week. That afternoon they called me back and wanted me to come back in to do some more blood work and an ultrasound. I asked what was wrong with the blood work from earlier and they informed me that my counts were higher than they expected. Of course they reassured me that there was nothing to be concerned about but I still had a vice gripping at my heart…..what if…..somethings wrong…..was this what God was preparing us for……. Jake went with me to the doctor, they did more blood work, and then I went in for the ultrasound. The technician quickly found the baby’s heartbeat and showed us our little one and as she moved over a little bit we noticed a second heartbeat and another baby. WHAT!? The technician said she needed to check and see if there was a third baby and Jake said I gripped his hand tightly and my face went white. Thankfully God knows exactly what we can handle and give me two beautiful babies. I praise him for this amazing answer to prayer in my life. It was a character developing process to get to this point but little did I know that God was not done with me yet.
The Heartache Was Real
As I look back I can still sense the pain and heartache that I went through over those years earnestly praying for children. God chose to answer our prayers but after much pruning in both of our lives. When I first went to God asking for a child my whole hand was gripped around having a child and he had to loosen my grip one finger at a time. There were times it was very painful and I didn’t want to let go but slowly I did and after all the heartache the blessings were even more numerous than I could ever imagined. The timing God chose was perfect in many aspects of our lives including our jobs to insurance to family situation and more. God not only answered my specific prayers he also revealed his perfect timing in our lives.
Questions
Here are some of the questions I found myself struggling with during this time in my life:
- Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?
- What’s Wrong with Me?
- Why Would God Give Me this Desire and Not Fulfill It?
- Is God Going to Answer My Prayers?
- Does God Hear Me?
- Am I Not Good Enough to be Mom?
If you are going through the heartache and asking yourself any of these questions and/or more my heart and prayers go out to you. I know it hurts. There are more people than you realize who are going through a similar situation.
You Are Not Alone
I want to let you know, You Are NOT ALONE! Many couples experience similar journeys. Take time to pray and share with your close family, friends, and mentors. Allow them to come alongside you and pray with you. God can work a miracle in our lives if we let go of those specific items we are holding onto so tightly. Not only is His timing truly amazing he has something special planned for your life and for the lives of your children. My heart and prayers go out to you and if I could reach through the computer and give you a hug I would do it in a heartbeat. It’s okay to cry, talk about it, and slowly start loosening your grip so you can see what amazing plans God has for your life.
This concludes my “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant?” series, however, stayed tuned for the next Loosening My Grip series.
A little bit more about the Loosening My Grip series
Looking back over the last few years it is much easier to see God’s perfect timing. It was painful waiting, having people constantly ask questions, going to the doctor, praying, dealing with the emotions, and feeling like God didn’t even care.
After much prayer and resistance I have decided to start my “Loosening My Grip” series. I came up with the theme and idea more than a year ago. Every time I start to write a little more on this topic I decide to just not do it. Why?
- It is personal
- I still struggle with many issues in my life and continue to learn of more areas that I need to loosen my grip on
- The feeling of inadequacy to write on the topic
- No one else probably has these issues nor would they want to read about mine
God has been working overtime on me to do it even though my flesh says stay away from certain areas. It is difficult writing about those topics that are really near and dear to our hearts. Most likely the series will not always go in chronological order because I am writing the topics as God lays them on my heart to write. Maybe there is someone out there that has experienced similar struggles or is currently going through this situation in their life. I hope to be an encouragement to you. I want you know that you’re not alone; we have strength and support from a God that is so much bigger than any one of us.
Loosening My Grip is a series on areas in my life I am learning to let go of slowly. Several months ago I was studying Jonah and one of the phrases popped out at me was “Whatever you are holding on to in this life, hold it loosely so it won’t hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away.” I have found that in some areas God has had to pry my fingers off of whatever I am holding onto one finger at a time. There are areas in my life that I feel like I need control over and hold onto them tightly when God really has something so much more beautiful in store for me. I have been learning how to let go and hold onto things more loosely so God can do His work in my life.
Photo by Downstairs Dev
Raising Multiples: First School Day of First Grade!
The girls recently started school, their first day of first grade went really well. After a wonderful summer together of traveling and memories we were getting them ready for school They were excited to go to school to learn and see their friends but also told me that they would miss their time at home, (aw….such sweethearts)! Here’s a few snapshots from their first day of school.
First day of School lunches are packed and ready to go! This year we are packing lunches every day except Fridays, which is pizza or special lunch day. They were very excited about picking out and making food to pack in their lunches. I was impressed at how well they adjusted and how much initiative they took cleaning out their bags every day. The girls received their lunch bags from some great friends, they came in handy last year and again this year.
Brina's lunch Brina is our loves flowers, pink, orange, and anything girly so this is perfect for her. One of the concerns Moms with Twins, Triplets or higher multiples is making sure to develop their individuality. The girls were THRILLED to have different lunch boxes with their names on it.
Karlie's lunch One of Karlie’s favorite colors is black (she has loved space and planets for years)! These thoughtful gifts came from a good friend with triplets who has been a huge encouragement to me since she found out I was pregnant with the girls.
Notes we put into their school lunch on the first day of first grade! The girls see some of the “notes” that I send in Daddy’s lunch and always enjoy it when they get one as well. As a special surprise occasionally I will stick in a note to them. They both thanked us for their first lunch box “love note” of the school year!
Brina and Karlie ready for their first day of 1st grade! You would think that at this age it would be easy to get two kids to smile at the camera, ha! They were so worried that my taking pictures would make them late the first day of school. Don’t worry we made it with plenty of time to spare!
Brina's ready! Brina’s comment on the way to school this year was “”We will make some good friends today and have fun talking to our friends from last year!” Glad she is excited about seeing friends and making new ones.
Karlie's super excited to go to first grade! Karlie’s comment on the way to school this year was “So how many days until Summer break”! We had been counting down until the first day of school. She had such a fun summer together I think she was ready to start counting down until next summer.
Our notes to our sweet girls at breakfast! On their breakfast plates we wrote each of them a note to read while we were cooking breakfast.
Notes to our girls on the first day of school! They love getting notes and special days should be celebrated!
Hello cutie pies, your note from Mom and Dad on your first day of First Grade! Our first day of school note was M&M’s. The comment I got from them was “Silly Mommy” but they smiled reading the letter we wrote to them.
Love making our girls smile. The first day of first grade is a great day to celebrate! Life is short and my babies are growing up quickly. I want our girls to know how much we love them. These notes only take a few moments to write but can be a tremendous encouragement to them especially as they walk into a new classroom on the first day of school.
On the way to school! All buckled in and ready for school. Yes, I took the picture at a stoplight not while driving.
Beautiful first day of first grade for the girls! I was thankful to see the sun shining, a gorgeous blue sky, white puffy clouds and beautiful leafy trees on the way to school. We truly have much to appreciate in life.
Walking behind their teacher on their way to first grade, my babies are growing up! My big girls walking to their class by themselves, no assistance necessary from their Mommy.
School day is done, they love riding home on the bus. Thankful for their time to learn. Praying that their first grade year is a positive experience packed full of great educational fun.
Twice As Nice: Proud of My Girls
I love those moments when your heart bursts with joy at seeing your kids demonstrate wonderful positive characteristics that make them stand out among the crowd. As a parent it is essential that I continue to teach my children about life. I catch them (and yes I am bias) showing these positive characteristics as they continue to mature but sometimes I wonder if anyone else sees these precious moments in their lives as well.
Throughout the school year Brina and Karlie get random “rewards” for being a good example. One of my favorite ones to see come home in their book bags is the one that gets awarded when a student shows positive characteristics when the other students are disobeying the rules. It is nice to know that they can be polite and respectful even when their sister (in many cases) and friends are not. The coupon is for a Free Chick-fil-A Kid’s Meal and is awarded when a student shows on of the following Core Essentials:
- Respect
- Initiative
- Uniqueness
- Joy
- Determination
- Kindness
- Courage
- Humility
- Forgiveness
There is no such thing as a perfect parent (or a perfect person for that matter) so when I catch my girls doing right, it truly makes me proud. Nothing I do will force them to be good, kind, or considerate, however, the words I speak (and more importantly) my actions are showing the girls what is expected. I cannot count the number of times, even in the last week, how they can innocently ask me a question that really makes me think about my actions and in many cases the questions can be quite convicting.
For example, not long ago I was driving with the girls in the van when another car cut in front of us nearly side swiping our van which resulted in a honk from me……from the back seat I hear Brina say “Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little ears what you hear for the Father Up Above is Looking Down…….” Wow, even though in my mind I was “justified” by making the car aware of our presence through the honk, but having her say those words made me really think about how I was reacting in a tense situation. There is a great responsibility when you children daily watching your words and actions. I know I cannot do it in my own strength which makes me even more grateful for a heavenly Father who helps guide and direct not only my steps but my kids as well. They know I am not perfect, but thankfully they do know someone who is and He is much better example of how we should live.
Twice as Fun is a series on raising Twins and all the joy that comes with it. We have been richly blessed to have twin daughters in our lives and want to share with you our thoughts, challenges, wisdom and love for raising multiples. Our girls have different interests and hobbies but they both know how to add excitement to our lives and make us chuckle.
