Beautiful purple flowers with white spots from our last trip to Charleston.  Sometimes I feel like my heart is spotted much like these pretty flowers.

There are days when I feel like I mess up more than get it right.  I say things that aren’t sweet and nice, over react to the little stuff, or have a bad attitude.  Does anyone else have these types of days?  The people who probably know me the best are those who get the “privilege” of living with me everyday (my husband and kids).  They have seen many of my mistakes, bad days, and over reactions. As Jake and I approach our 12th anniversary I am reminded while the most important relationship I have is with my heavenly Father another one that impacts our entire family is my relationship with my husband.  While I was thinking about our upcoming celebration the passage in scripture that came to mind is the one from 1 Corinthians.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5. or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6. it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  8. Love never ends. As f or prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

The verse was brought to my attention again as I was reading Lysa TerKeurst’s book Am I Messing Up My Kids when I got to the section on spouses.  While most days go smoothly (thanks to the large doses of grace Jake extends to me) I could really benefit by working on many of these characteristics.  When my relationship with Christ is open and consistent it ripples across to all other relationships I have, including my spouse and children.  Lysa gave an amazing 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Assessment that I want to share with you.  It was really good and included scripture passages to reference and / or memorize.  Many of these attributes and characteristics can be applied to other relationships as well.  As I read through the list it made me realize how far from perfect I am and how wonderfully gracious the Lord is to me. Yes, some of them I do much better than others but I could improve in many areas as well.   What better place to start implementing some of these characteristics than with your spouse….let’s give it a try!

Whether you are having a tough time or things are going well at home I think we all can benefit from applying the principles outlined below (insights from Lysa’s book Am I Messing Up My Kids):

• Am I patient with my spouse  (I am flexible and understanding)?  Ephesians 4:2-3
• Am I kind to my spouse (I am kind in thought, words, and actions toward my spouse). Ephesians 4:31-32
• Am I supportive (not envious) with my spouse? (I do not keep score when I feel I do more) James 3:16-18
  
• Am I encouraging (not boastful) to my spouse?  (I do not brag about my accomplishments while downplaying my spouse’s)? Hebrews 3:13
• Am I humble (not proud) with my spouse? (I do not think my agenda is more important than my spouse’s agenda.) 1 Peter 5:6
• Am I gracious (not rude) to my spouse?  (I build up my spouse with my words spoken in private and public.) Ephesians 4:29
• Am I selfless (not self-seeking) with my spouse? (I focus on my spouse’s needs and wants and balance them with my own.) Philippians 2:3-4
• Am I self-controlled (not easily angered) with my spouse? (I do not have a short fuse or quick temper) Proverbs 15:1
• Am I able to forgive and let go (keeping no record of wrong) with my spouse’s shortcomings? (I do not use my spouse’s past shortcomings as ammunition in today’s disagreements or allow these things to taint our communication today.) Colossians 3:12-14
• Do I delight in being faithful to God (not delighting in evil)? (I seek to live a pure life and choose not to flirt with sin.) Ephesians 4:1
• Do I rejoice with the truth? (I actively pursue God’s truth over Satan’s lies.) John 8:31-32
• Do I seek to protect my spouse? (I fill in the gaps where my spouse feels weak and vulnerable.) I Thessalonians 5:11
• Do I trust my spouse? (I give my spouse the benefit of the doubt.) – I Peter 3:8
• Do I keep hope alive in my marriage? (I trust God with “our” future, not “my” future.) – Jeremiah 29:11
• Do I persevere in my marriage? (I look for solutions to problems rather than look for a way out.) Matthew 5:33
• Am I committed to the permanence of our marriage? (I believe that divorce is not an option for us.) Malachi 2:16