If you missed it, you can read “Why Can’t I Get Pregnant” Part 1.

Now that I have learned to let go of my personal agenda, that I will not always receive clear answers, doctors can be puzzled, and to rejoice with others even when my heart is heavy I can continue onto the next phase which I had been longing for right?

Learning to Share with to Others

After three years of trying to have children and the emotional roller coaster I was getting discouraged.  We did everything the doctors told us to do yet still no children.  At this point I decided to start praying specifically for a person I could talk to about what I was going through.  When certain people would bring up the tough topic I would share a little bit about what we were going through.  Although, they were extremely compassionate and many began praying along with me none of them had been through similar situations.  I found out that several of my friends and family members had experienced miscarriages which is another equally emotional situation when you are trying to start a family.  One beautiful lesson I learned during this time in my life is by opening up my heart to others it gave them the confidence to share their own struggles.  Even though my struggles were different it allowed me to pray for others while going through a tough season myself.  Each person has their own set of items they are learning to loosen their grip on and by praying for others it took my focus off myself so I could be an encouragement to those around me.

Power of Praying Friends

By opening my heart to a few people it did ease some of the hurt I was feeling.  Some days were still tough but at least I had a network of people praying for us as a couple and as a family.  I felt like my OB wasn’t interested in helping and when I would call his office I would get the nurse’s voice mail after several prompts and since I wasn’t pregnant, scheduling or an emergency many times the nurse would never call me back.  When you have a group of people praying with you the direction seems so much clearer.  At this point in the journey I knew it was time to consider seeing another doctor.

Miracle of Answered Prayers

A few months later after much prayer I decided to ask Jake’s cousin, Mandy, who was a local nurse for recommendations on OB’s doctors.  Mandy was truly an answer to prayer.  She is a nurse and knew a lot of doctors so she had a better idea of where to direct me.  I ended up going to one of the OB’s she recommended.  Mandy was more of an encouragement then she’ll probably ever know during this season in my life.  God used her to guide me to the professional doctors I needed in my life during this time.

A Fresh Perspective

The new doctor was great, listened, and recommended I at least consider meeting with a fertility doctor.  We met with the fertility doctor and he was very positive, however, wanted to do more tests.  Then wait a few months. One of the recommendations he made to us was for me to consider finding a less stressful career.  I was working long hours at an attorney’s office and Jake had been encouraging me to look for something less stressful as well, but I didn’t want to stop working until after I had kids (yet another area I was attempting to control in my life).  Also, during this time we were made aware that the prescription I was given by my previous OB was 4 times stronger than what I should have been taking (which is why I was so sick).  Thankfully, God worked in that situation and gave us wisdom to stop taking it.

Difficult Decisions

After seeing the doctor Jake and I prayed about my work situation again and decided (reluctantly at first) that I should quit and look for something part time that was less stressful.  It was difficult giving up a job that I worked so hard at but at the same time if I wanted a family it was something I needed to do.   A couple months later I found a really neat part time position that was great and more laid back, yet another amazing answer to prayer.

A New Opportunity

During that waiting period Mandy approached me and told me about a new Case Study a friend of hers was doing called “Fit & Fertile” and it was being led by the fertility doctor I met several months before.  The study was on changing your diet, exercise, and lower stress level to see if a series of non-medicated changes could help women get pregnant.  In that group I met amazing women that were experiencing similar situations.  Some of them already had one child but couldn’t have a second and others were like me and were unable to get pregnant even the first time.  The nurse and doctor did blood work before and after the study but otherwise that was it.  I was a little weary of the case study working but God had obviously directed me to it so I had to follow through with it trusting He knew what was best for me.

……this series will be continued next Wednesday!

A little bit more about the Loosening My Grip series

Looking back over the last few years it is much easier to see God’s perfect timing.  It was painful waiting, having people constantly ask questions, going to the doctor, praying, dealing with the emotions, and feeling like God didn’t even care.

After much prayer and resistance I have decided to start my “Loosening My Grip” series.  I came up with the theme and idea more than a year ago.  Every time I start to write a little more on this topic I decide to just not do it.  Why?

• It is personal
• I still struggle with many issues in my life and continue to learn of more areas that I need to loosen my grip on
• The feeling of inadequacy to write on the topic
• No one else probably has these issues nor would they want to read about mine

God has been working overtime on me to do it even though my flesh says stay away from certain areas.  It is difficult writing about those topics that are really near and dear to our hearts.  Most likely the series will not always go in chronological order because I am writing the topics as God lays them on my heart to write.  Maybe there is someone out there that has experienced similar struggles or is currently going through this situation in their life.  I hope to be an encouragement to you.  I want you know that you’re not alone; we have strength and support from a God that is so much bigger than any one of us.

Loosening My Grip is a series on areas in my life I am learning to let go of slowly.  Several months ago I was studying Jonah and one of the phrases popped out at me was “Whatever you are holding on to in this life, hold it loosely so it won’t hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away.”  I have found that in some areas God has had to pry my fingers off of whatever I am holding onto one finger at a time.  There are areas in my life that I feel like I need control over and hold onto them tightly when God really has something so much more beautiful in store for me.  I have been learning how to let go and hold onto things more loosely so God can do His work in my life.

Photo by Downstairs Dev